It was 1990 or thereabouts, and I had just been hired by a new (to me) civil engineering firm to join their construction inspection and project management team. It was a pretty good gig for me at the time; half outdoors, half office work, and I pretty much could set my own schedule.
It was a mid-sized firm. Out of maybe 100 people in the building, only we inspectors and the land surveyors were “field hands”. The remainder were either admin people or what I call “bowtie engineers”. (They made us wipe our feet before we came into the office.)
We field inspectors and the surveyors shared office space because we worked together often… and, I suspect, to keep the mud confined to our basement bullpen. I made some good friends in there.
One young surveyor named Don was obviously quite intelligent, but very quiet. For this reason I took a liking to him – empty barrels make the most noise, and I avoid them as much as possible. So Don.
A few months after I’d been hired, one of the owners held his annual summer picnic/crab fest, and I had my first opportunity to attend.
We had a good time overall, and at some point I found myself at an otherwise-empty picnic table having a conversation with Don and his wife. As always, Don didn’t say much. But his wife was a different story.
She was a pretty blue-eyed blonde – very pretty, as a matter of fact. Now, normally I would have found her looks to be really distracting. I mean after all, as a male I have a fairly predictable response to feminine beauty.
But this time it was different. As soon as we began our chat, there was an instant connection. It wasn’t a male-female thing, but a deep recognition. We knew one another.
Now, back then I hadn’t really investigated “spiritual” topics much. Wasn’t sure about reincarnation, past lives and all that. But with this woman it was a recognition of like energies. I was 100% sure this was one of those rare people who really could “get” me, and I them.
I dont know what we were discussing… probaby politics or somesuch. It wasn’t the words that were said by either of us that impressed me. It was merely being in the presence of such a confirming energy. She was highly intelligent and reasonable… therefore, if we were so much alike, that meant that I too was probably intelligent and reasonable. I had some confidence problems at the time and this was a great boost.
BUT…
Toward the end of our chat, there was one of those pauses when you’re thinking of what to say next. After a few seconds she looked at me and said, “you’re a genius, aren’t you?”.
I was flabbergasted. I knew I had a pretty good IQ score. 🙂 But there hadn’t been a lot of brilliance in the conversation, just talking. No, it wasn’t what I said, but something she recognized.
Of course I probably blushed a little, and at that point I shut down. I was and am a very humble man (to my detriment, usually). And thinking that one is a genius is decidedly contrary to my upbringing.
So, the three of us wrapped it up and went back to shucking crabs.
When late afternoon came and it was time to leave, I saw Don. We said our goodbyes and just before I left, I said to him, “tell your wife that I’m no genius!”. I just couldn’t accept that kind of gift (or responsibility). I was even more weird back then than I am now.
So it goes. I never saw her again.
Most of the people we meet are souls with whom we have worked before. This can be described as a soul group… an extended family who work together for their individual evolution by bringing lessons. But some of these agreements are more important than others. Some result in lifelong relationships… others a 30-minute chat at a picnic.
Why have I remembered that encounter so vividly for over 24 years? It was the intensity of recognition (not the fact that she’d called me a genius). And that leads to regret.
What if I hadn’t been so tight-assed, and just accepted the compliment? What if I had gotten to know Don and his wife a little better? What would that mix of energies and minds have produced? I’ll never know.
There were a couple of lessons in all this. Firstly, I have learned to accept a little praise now and then, and that seems to grease the wheels of social interaction.
Secondly, I can know a resource when I see one. The best opportunities are often fleeting. Act on them, or wait for the next one to come around.
Thirdly: as melancholy as it make me feel to know the “lost” opportunity I missed, I think the lesson was presented just as it should have been, by the exact person who should have presented it. I learned about missed opportunity, and I learned that there actually are people like me (which has always been hard for me to believe).
I’ve met others since then who, to some degree or another, were obviously here to teach me something. That’s why I look at pretty much everyone I meet as a teacher. Some enlighten me, some demonstrate the exact things not to do. Some just make me feel good, or bad.
So keep your eyes peeled. That stranger on the morning bus ride could very well teach you something valuable. Even if it’s only a greeting or a comment about the weather, it might be meaningful to you. Think about it.
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