Who Do You Trust?

 

That was the name of an American quiz game show of the late 50’s. Three married couples competed, and it mostly consisted of the husband choosing whether to answer a question himself, or to “trust” his wife to answer it. I know, I know… ladies please don’t kill the messenger! I was only ten at the time.

The memory came to me the other day unbidden, but it did stimulate further internal discussion (my interior monologues are more like dialogues). I find that usually these odd, seemingly random memories are meant to provoke a particular thought process around a topic that I (or you) needed to hear something about.

I thought about how the idea of trust (or distrust) can have a huge effect on so many aspects of our lives, including mine. And like many mental patterns that have been ingrained over a long period, it becomes second nature. When we’re not fully aware of these deep beliefs, they’re part of the programming that determines our actions – especially when we’re on autopilot.

As usual, I use myself as an example because I know the story inside and out.

Dirty little secrets…

Over the past few years, with the help of my own truly awesome coach and mentor, Therese Skelly, I’ve changed tremendously. I have managed to purge nearly every conscious negative thought and emotion from my system, and that in turn has been re-programming the subconscious beliefs that were influencing my ability to function the way I wanted to.

One of the various flavors of negativity was that of general mistrust. The depression, anxiety and all that were obvious. But this one was so much a part of me that it was hard to find. I can say, however, that once the debris of those other more obvious mistaken beliefs were cleared away, it was a whole lot easier to find that needle in the haystack. It’s like: OK, you’re not a whiny bitch any more… so why is this still not working?

Since I wasn’t preoccupied with being a crybaby any more, I became clearheaded enough to become aware that the element of mistrust was the issue at that time.

Honestly, I can’t say exactly where I picked it up along the way, except that being a sensitive and observant child and young man, I had witnessed plenty of real hypocrisy and duplicity by the time I was an adult. There were no earth-shattering betrayals in my life (except the ones I pulled on myself).

At any rate, there it was. Once that realization dawned on me, my first reaction was denial. I didn’t want to think that I was one of those people, the ones who hold a bitter and cynical view of their world. But at one level, I was exactly one of those people.

Just take the plunge…

How did I erase that destructive energy? I simply made a decision: I decided to trust – in myself, in Spirit, and in the basic goodness of other people. And if I do happen to run across someone who turns out not to be trustworthy, they simply go onto my “Does Not Exist” list. No bitterness, no grudge, no revenge or retribution. If I need to remedy something caused by another’s duplicity, I take care of it… and that is that. I consider it to be something like a dog bite – it happened, it might hurt a little, but screaming at the dog or killing it doesn’t make sense. It’s just a dog and it’s no different from a tree falling on me. Who do you blame for that? (No, I’m not comparing people to dogs. A metaphor is a metaphor.)

I have been richly rewarded by doing this work on myself. If you’re putting out a signal of mistrust, you can’t expect to be trusted. I now have (and have had) a number of beautiful client/friends who have put their entire being in my hands… their money, their hopes for the future, their very lives. It takes a lot of trust to do that, and I must say that they haven’t been disappointed. Once they take that leap they learn that their trust was vital to beginning a process of improvement, and the trust grows even stronger.

All of this good came from my own leap off the cliff of indecision. With the energy of mistrust gone, I find it so much easier to be among people, strangers who I know nothing about, and be comfortable. By my assuming that they’re trustworthy from the get-go, they are. People are people.

I know a man who sometimes cries in public. He’s very sensitive of course, and it doesn’t take much for emotions, good or bad, to affect him that deeply. He’s a good man, and it’s obvious that he simply trusts whoever is around him at the time to understand his way of expressing himself. That’s beautiful thing, my friend.

Doing the work absolutely made a difference for me, and it can for you as well. Examine yourself. Examine yourself as deeply and as completely as possible and if you find your level of trust lacking, make the decision. Just do it.