Phone Phobia: I Don’t Bite!

I was recently reminded of a phenomena that I’d best describe as “phone phobia“.  It’s an irrational fear of speaking with strangers on the telephone; the roots of this fear are deep and subtle, yet it appears that many people are subject to it to some degree or another.

I know whereof I speak.  Growing up I was naturally shy, and this extended to phone conversations.  It didn’t help that until I was in my late forties I did work that didn’t require me to interact with others on the phone.  When I finally did arrive at the point where it was necessary, it took a huge effort.  My job then required me to call officers of large companies and public officials;  but it’s amazing what the need to put bread on the table will do.  🙂  After a month or so of frequent phone work, it became a lot easier.  But it took quite a while until I lost that funny feeling in my gut and a lump in my throat when I had to make a necessary call to someone “important”.

It’s not hard to deduce the subconscious roots of this particular phenomenon.  Fear of rejection, lack of sufficient self-confidence (what if I say the wrong thing?), and all of those common minor neuroses contribute.  And when the person we need to speak with is one who we view as being in a position of authority, or who we perceive as being somehow “superior” to us, the effect is magnified.

There is a part of this that’s even more subtle and perhaps more basic.  I don’t want to appear to be too sexist here, but it’s an observable fact that, in general, men suffer from this phone phobia more often and more strongly than women.  I think it’s because instead of using body language, facial expressions and all the other extra-verbal communication methods we use when we meet in person, the telephone call forces us to really consciously communicate and to choose our words more carefully.  Women seem to find that easier to do than men (again, this is a very general observation).  Surely you’ve known of (or likely participated in) the scenario where the male delegates a majority of the phone contact to the female.  “Hon, would you call the neighbors and tell them their dog is in our back yard?” … “Could you call the Smiths and tell them we won’t be coming to the party this Saturday night?”  I know I grew up watching my Dad do this, and I also know that I’ve been prone to it myself.  Fortunately the ladies in these situations usually don’t seem to mind taking on the task…or at least they don’t let on that it’s a pain.  I suspect that internally they sigh and simply consider it a service to a poor unfortunate conversational cripple.  🙂

In my work, I used to offer written reports in addition to phone sessions.  In fact, back when I had my own first contact with an intuitive, this was the option I chose for my own reading.  This was totally because of my own phone phobia – I wanted the information, but I didn’t want to interact.  The intuitive was kind enough to allow some followup questions via email (as do I), which I took advantage of to an extent.  But I later realized that it would have been far more productive and illuminating to have had the opportunity to clarify some of the items in a phone conversation.

After I began doing this work myself, I reasoned that there were people like me who weren’t comfortable on the phone…especially with a “psychic” because it was just so far out of their everyday comfort zone.  But it wasn’t long before I realized that the “written report” method was exhausting for me.  The methods I used when I started out required several hours of work to get the information and do the clearings…and then it took a good 1-1/2 hours to write the report.  And, as my skills and confidence grew, I realized that it wasn’t necessary to stick to the rigid formula any more; indeed, the more intimate phone contact allowed me to gather even more useful information  during the call.

So, I ditched the written reports.  I now feel that if a potential client wants help badly enough to step out of that fearful comfort zone and actually talk to me, they’re automatically activating a change within themselves that will aid the process.  And, for my part it helps to ensure that I get only highly-motivated clients.  Win-win.  I do still offer email readings for those who aren’t ready to really invest in themselves and/or who still will shun the phone contact.  That work, as I advise up front, has limited usefulness; but still, some people may prefer it.

The phone phobia thing is one reason that I also recently began offering free “Get Acquainted” phone sessions.  I’m willing to get on the horn with anyone who just wants to shoot the breeze for a half-hour or so.  No pressure (for me or for the other party).  Just talking about whatever comes up…the weather, people we might know in common, the state of the world, or the issues that might be bothering them.  It’s not exactly a “reading” or a counseling session…but I’m finding that as we speak, I often get intuitive hits for them…which I pass along freely.  It helps me because it helps me to develop the freestyle counseling method that I heading toward, and it helps the other person because it gives them someone to talk to.  It’s also a good way to demonstrate what I can do and my way of doing it and for people to evaluate the possibility that I may actually be able to serve them in some significant way.  It’s usually the unknown quantity that makes us uncomfortable; once two people have that initial contact, it becomes a lot easier to make the decision to go on to the next step (or not).  I’m also using these calls as my contribution to the good of all.  My time is worth something, and so this is my way of tithing.

So far most (not all) of the people taking advantage of my offer have admittedly been women.  But I’m hoping that the lure of a free conversation will also kick a few more men to take the leap and B.S. with me for 20 minutes or a half hour.

Consider giving me a call – I don’t bite!.  I won’t try to sell you anything, and I might even say something stupid (and so might you – and I can almost guarantee that I’ll make you laugh at least once or twice).  So what?  What matters is that human contact is something that we all need a bit more of.

Comments

  1. Justin,

    Yeah, it’s like anything else…once you get talking you find a lot of common ground. And if there’s not common ground, the call is a lot shorter.

    Umm…see my home page if you want to set up a call. Do it pretty soon because with the demand, I’m going to take it down in a bit.

    Wishing I could use Skype but won’t work with the satellite ISP. At least I now have international numbers for my conference line. And with the ATT cell phone I have a hot-list with no minutes charged.

  2. Hi Michael,
    Haha, I get my wife to make the phone calls too. I have done one phone mentoring session so far and it went really well. It was more like talking to a friend than a business call. The call was with a girl and we talked for three hours.

    I just downloaded skype onto my computer so I can talk to anyone around the World for free, that is if they also have skype.

    I would love to shoot the breeze with you someday. I will have to get a hold of you through your contact form to set up a time. I would love to hear if you get any hits when you talk with me.

  3. Can he make tamales too? That beer would sure go good with one..or two… 😉

  4. If you’re reading this and want to ask Mike a few questions, please call him, you’ll be glad you did — he is funny, easy to talk to, and he discusses the topics that are of high concern to you with respect, consideration of your feelings and is very non-judgmental. Yes, it’s true, he’s direct but is that what you want? Yeah, you do want the truth with clarity and wisdom. He is also that cool brother, uncle, friend, dad… whatever that you know that you like to sit & chill with… and have a beer, 2 or 3 with, LOL! With that said, I am trying to get my “man” to just pick up the phone and call him. Haha!

  5. Hi D’Arci,

    I daresay that anyone who has never experienced phone phobia at all might be a tad abnormal. 😉

    I had a delightful time during our call…it’s rare I experience such an up-welling of emotion, since most of my downloads come as cold, hard facts. You may now audibly visualize me laughing… 😀

  6. Hi Michael,
    I understand what you are “talking” about when talking to someone and getting over a phobia. For me, I think it has to do with the worry of not wanting to hear something I’d rather not want to know. However, that is a fear, I realize. The best way to get over a phobia (in my own experience) is to just push through the fear and do the behavior. Most times, it’s irrational. When I was younger, it would take me days to call someone on the phone. Then, I got into a line of work that forced me to come out of my turtle shell and get things accomplished–not just through writing but verbally. I still have a hard time, but it isn’t as difficult. Thank you for taking the time to listen and provide valuable information during our call. I will be honest…I was nervous to call, but by the end of the call, I wasn’t anymore. You didn’t bite and have a wonderful laugh! 🙂

  7. Well, as i say I’ve been there – but that’s a little extreme. NO phobia gets between me and a pizza, LOL. 🙂

  8. You have to be one of the easiest people on the planet to talk to on the phone. You have never failed to make me laugh, either 🙂

    I haven’t had too many takers on my phone reading offer but I have done some phone follow up to written reports and I can say without a doubt that most of the clarity comes from the follow up – it’s just not the same in writing without the exchange of energy that an actual conversation yields.

    I believe you on the man/woman issue – just calling the pizza place seems to be too much for someone I know… And yes, I sigh and do it anyway!

  9. Hi Lindsay,

    I think most people can relate to some degree. What most don’t realize is that we’re sometimes as nervous as they are, or even more so! 🙂

    But no matter which end of the line you’re on, it does get easier with “practice”.

  10. I am all too familiar with phone phobia. When I began doing readings for others, I was terrified of connecting with clients on the phone. That’s because I was worried about my accuracy. And also because I (used to be) a naturally shy person and hated the phone, anyway. So I stuck with email readings to get my feet wet and it wasn’t until I was confident enough that the intuitive hits I was getting were accurate that I was ready to offer phone readings. It sure got me out of my comfort zone, but the best lessons are learned when we just get out of that so-called “comfort”.

    The older I get and the more confidence I have, the more I actually PREFER the phone. It’s so much richer, tone can’t be misconstrued, and it’s so much more interactive than a written report or written conversation.

    For anyone reading this who is on the fence about giving Michael a call, I’d say go for it. I promise you he doesn’t bite via the telephone. He’s actually easy to talk to. And that’s a lot from someone like me, who used to never, ever answer her phone b/c she was so terrified about who might be on the other end. (Before the days of Caller ID).

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Michael Lee Pierich does not represent that he is licensed by any city, state, or country as a professional in the medical or mental health field.