What’s Really Holding You Back?

Many years ago when I was in high school, I was what was known as a “chronic underachiever”. My grades were terrible…I intensely disliked the social atmosphere in school, and the material and mind-numbing repetition of most courses bored me.

In senior year, one morning my homeroom teacher gave me a file folder and told me to take it to the principle’s office…because she wanted to talk to me about my grades. Oh great; I was about to get another lecture. Being a normal teenager in at least some respects, I naturally took my time walking to the principle’s office so that I could take a peek at whatever horrors were in my dreaded “permanent file”. I assumed that this was something I wasn’t supposed to do, which of course made it that much more intriguing.

When I opened the folder, the first page atop the thick stack of pages within was some kind of evaluation form. I didn’t bother reading the form, because at the bottom in bright red ink were the words in large cursive script: “Has IQ of ___; is performing nowhere near capacity”.

I’d always known that my IQ number was probably somewhat above average, but it was interesting to find out the actual number. I wasn’t particularly impressed by it (although I found out later that the number fell well within the MENSA standards). My reaction was pretty much to shrug; big deal…I was still a rather awkward and geeky country boy. I proceeded to the office, got my expected lecture…and nothing changed.

It wasn’t until a few years later that I realized that there’d been no reason to have me take the folder to the principle’s office. No; the nuns were being clever, knowing that I’d take a peek, they wanted me to see that number in hopes that it would boost my self-esteem and perhaps spur me to work harder at school. To this day I feel both grateful and sorry for them…it was a good idea, but didn’t work at all.

Why didn’t it work? Why, now knowing for sure that I did indeed have superior tools available (at least as measured by those IQ tests), did I not feel inspired to take advantage of that gift?

As it turns out, part of what kept me from putting my natural talents to work was something my father had said years ago. He’d had an IQ test done as part of his joining the Army (he fought in WW II, distinguishing himself as a paratrooper participating in the jump over Normandy on D-Day). He’d told us that he’d gotten a high score on the intelligence test, and had been offered a position as a sergeant. But he’d turned down the automatic upgrade in rank; and to boot, he said that the IQ test didn’t mean anything – no big deal. He was a farm boy, a son of immigrants, and had only made it through 6th grade or so. He felt as though his lack of education meant that he could never be a leader of men, and that he would in fact be undeserving of any sort of elevated rank. He went on later to have a successful business as a building contractor.

My Dad’s attitude stuck with me because I idolized him. His belief in his own undeservingness (whether he really believed it or not) became my belief. So what if you’re smart? Big deal. You’re just another schmuck, destined to scrape by just like every other schmuck. Who are you to think you’re special?

This belief became ingrained in my being, to the point that it was running like a background program in my subconscious. It continued to affect me for years and years; whenever anything turned out to be not as successful as I wanted it to or I was not getting the results I wanted, that little voice was there whether I was conscious of it or not, telling me that I simply didn’t deserve success.

This is what we in Soul Realignment call an unconscious belief. It could be considered genetic in nature, because I got it through my parent. It could also be considered karmic – since we choose our parents, I was responsible for choosing this man, who would pass along this negative belief, as my father. That makes it my choice (we can never place blame on anyone but ourselves for these attachments). And furthermore, it was residing in the 2nd chakra, which has to do with our manifestation process and the fruition of ideas into the physical. Thus it was inhibiting my ability to find success in nearly every area of my life.

I often used to describe myself as being like an old Ford with a Porsche engine – plenty of ideas and bursting with desire and potential, but I simply never could manage to put that energy into action.

I’ve cleared that belief energetically, but its imprint remains to this day – I’m still working on it, frankly. Conscious knowledge is what allows us to finally deal with these negativities. The clearing we perform within the Soul Realignment process deletes (in this case) the belief at an energetic level as though it never existed…but we still need to make an effort at the emotional and mental levels to rid ourselves of the habits of thinking it had caused in us.

Unconscious beliefs cannot be dealt with directly, and the situation will remain that way unless and until a light is shone on them and we can recognize them for what they really are. Soul Realignment can do that.

What’s holding you back? Is there a real block to your happiness and success…or is it a phantom from the past, lurking in the background and hiding from the light?