Owning it All, and No Going Back

Sometimes I want to punch my Higher Self right in the nose. If he has a nose, that’s where I would punch him. I haven’t actually punched anybody since 8th grade, and that was in self defense. But still…

I get so pissed at old HS because I know that he is the one who put me here. Oh sure, it’s fine when I’m riding my Harley down some beautiful mountain byway or helping a client in a way that only I can. Hugging my wife… having a beer and pizza with a lifelong friend. Those are great. But then there are the times when things happen that don’t make sense, things over which I seemingly have no control. People I love getting sick. Cars breaking down. Losing jobs. That kind of stuff. I mean, if I do create my own reality, what kind of sick f*ck would dream up the junk that happens “to” me? Sometimes it appears as though most people must be masochists, considering what is brought to them in the way of life experiences.

Seems to be a disconnect here. If my HS wants me to survive and thrive, why are these things placed in my way?

Ever see a Marine Corps boot camp? If you were dropped into the middle of something like that unawares, you would think they were trying to kill you! Running for miles with full gear… being screamed at and made to feel like a worm… not pleasant. But at the same time all of that has a benign purpose, which is to train a Marine to do what he signed up for. There’s a lot of truth to the idea that one needs to be broken down before being rebuilt.

That’s a good metaphor for life. There are exceptions, but how many highly evolved people, spiritual “leaders” in fact, have come from miserable backgrounds of alcoholism, illness and tragedy? A lot, as far as I can tell. In fact, most of them.

They too probably cursed their Higher Selves at some point. But that’s before they realized what was behind their suffering.

You see, if you actually believe that we’re fully responsible for our lives, then you must take responsibility for even the things that don’t make sense; the things that happen “to” you. But that itself makes no sense until you understand that our very souls planned this whole thing. Our higher aspect wanted certain lessons and just like registering for classes on the first day of school, he/she considered a menu of possibilities. He/she then chose in a general way which lessons would more effectively advance our spiritual evolution. We’re born and the veil is dropped into place, and we begin to automatically attract situations that fit our intended life lessons. Whether we want to or not.

Now here’s an interesting thought: our souls, like us, are individuals. Souls are fallible (they are in the next level of existence, but that is just the next level… not the end-all of our existence). And being fallible, I suspect that they sometimes bite off more than they can properly chew. “Oh look, I’ll bet that if I incarnate as a starving child in Somalia, I’ll really accelerate my evolution!” A good idea, until they actually experience that life as a human and begin to curse the gods. That human may experience a brief and painful life, seemingly to no end. But the Higher Self has gained the experiences and lessons it wanted.

So, the minute we’re born we begin attracting what we need to evolve. The catch here is that once we reach an age where we can fully exercise our free will, we can have a say in precisely how the lessons show up – if we even know that that’s what is going on.

“Knowing what’s going on” in this case means the same as what is known as “waking up”.

I saw a Facebook post the other day that was a good metaphor for this. It said that an Eskimo asked a missionary, “If I didn’t know about your teachings at all, would I still go to hell for my sins?” The missionary said, “Of course not – you had no way of knowing!” The Eskimo replied, “Then why did you tell me?!”.

Waking up can absolutely look like a curse, because now you know. You know that you’re a Divine Being, capable of pretty much anything. You know that you’re responsible for everything that happens to you, for better or worse. You know that this Earth school is temporary and that you shouldn’t sweat the small stuff. Deny it if you want (the lessons will continue regardless). But while you’re consciously denying it, you know that the denial is the real lie.

No matter whether you accept responsibility or not, you are still responsible. If you don’t accept it, things will continue to happen on a seemingly random basis and you’re left to be a “reactor” – you react to events, but you don’t direct anything.

But if you do become brave enough to accept your power, you begin to understand that those “random” events come for a reason, being that your soul wants you to learn and move on. The way you learn to control those bad things is by adjusting your reaction to them.

When something flies in out of the blue and whacks you hard, it means there’s something that you’re just not getting yet.

Having awakened and taken responsibility for your life, you have eaten a bite of the apple from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil, so to speak. Now that you know, there’s no going back without massively lying to yourself. You can’t un-know it- you can just heap layers of fear and self-pity on it until it’s buried.

So I guess my Higher Self’s nose is safe from being punched, because my arms just aren’t long enough to fight that fight… as well as because I am awake and I know what’s going on. No going back, no self-pity, no asking “why is this happening to me” when it gets rough. You could easily see it as a curse, the knowing. Not so easy but infinitely more productive to take responsibility. Don’t play possum, don’t lie to yourself. Learn the lessons and move on. You can’t really go back to sleep.