Faith and Doubt – Two Sides, Same Coin

 

A Personal Lesson Story…

The lessons go on and on… the only things that change as we grow are the magnitude and speed at which they show up.

This week I was prompted to move my practice to another level.  Over the years I’ve tried a whole big buttload of different formats; half-hour and 1-hour phone sessions… email coaching… small groups, teleseminars, etc.  I also have a three-month program of continuing clearing and support.

All the while I had a nagging sensation that there was something missing.  Many of the one-off consultations were immensely satisfying for me, because the client was receptive and the beneficial results were almost immediate – I have the testimonials to prove it.  But still, it didn’t feel right.  One of the things I’ve learned is that your business needs to serve you first… otherwise you’ll never be able to give your clients your best work.

So I had this epiphany about a week ago: the reason I wasn’t satisfied was that I was acting like some kind of oracle or fortuneteller.  You’d come to me, I would get information for you, help you to clear the negativity, and then cut you loose to deal with the change on your own.  The healing process can be pretty scary, especially if those upper-dimensional bugs in your system left deep-seated patterns in your thoughts and beliefs about yourself and the world.  Oh, I responded to followup emails, but that’s certainly not the same as phone or personal contact.  As I say, unsatisfying.

 

Make a Decision, already…

So I made the decision that I’m not going to do that any more.  No more one-off  “sessions”, no more cutting people loose, no more never hearing from them again.  I’ll still offer single consultation calls to existing and future clients who have worked with me, but no more oracle, no more fortuneteller for the initial contact.  If a prospective client wants my help, it will take a commitment to work at least three months with me.  There are plenty of people out there who will find your lost keys for you and tell you when that tall, dark stranger will show up.  That ain’t me.  I’m all about getting you up off your ass and moving in a whole new direction.

It felt good taking this leap.  For me, it helped confirm my worth as a healer and coach.  For my work, it meant that I was now going to offer my best, and only my best.  The one-off sessions did indeed help people, but it wasn’t the best I could do for them.  No longer will I whore myself out in a half-assed attempt to pull in a few bucks.  All or nothing now, man

Frankly, this is kind of scary.  Those individual calls are a large part of my income in my practice; so logically speaking,  losing that income could possibly be a hit to my family’s ability to survive in any kind of comfort.  But the up-level feels so right that it can’t be wrong. This is going to work.

 

The Worm Turns…

But as usual, the ego kicks in with its objections.  The only way your identity can really control you is through fear, and so it tried.  I began having “second thoughts”, which are inevitable but can’t appear until you’ve had “first thoughts”.  The first thoughts are usually the way to go.

Indeed, I made a public declaration of my doubts on my Facebook page; said I was getting nervous about it.  Thoughts are powerful, but saying it “out loud” is supercharging the thoughts.

Earlier in the week I’d gotten a request for the free preliminary call I offer.  I like to talk to people before I work with them to see what would work best for their particular situation.  Honestly,I don’t get a lot of requests for the free call, so voila!  This had to be confirmation that I was on the right track.

 

Yippie!

Here’s what the prospective client wrote:

“Financially I am not doing so well so can be problematic (yes I have debts and would like to clear them). I am single and would like a partner who is also spiritually aware and focused, but I am happy with myself. I would like you to be my spiritual mentor. I would like to be your apprentice so I can assist other souls on their journey and make earth a pleasurable and peaceful planet.”

So far, so good.  I have no need for an “apprentice” at the moment, but clearly there was work to be done here.  And so a call was scheduled.

She never showed up for the call.  This happens from time to time, mostly because people get cold feet, or they were drunk when they contacted me, or they forget.  It’s rude in the extreme, but I usually am working on something else while I wait 15 minutes for them to show up.  So no great loss to me.  It’s just rude and it does piss me off a little, as it would anyone.

 

Instant Karma…

So, the day after she blew me off, she un-subbed from my mailing list with this comment:

“I believe that spiritual teachings and healings should be free like the churches, and not at extortionate prices the regular man and woman is unable to afford or for the purpose of gaining huge profit. I understand some overheads may need to be covered and people need to eat but Spirituality should be free. When our guides or other entities contact us to impart information to help us grow in consciousness, and for us to help other grow in consciousness, they don’t charge us so why should we?” (My dear, our guides don’t need money, and the churches are anything but free.)

Now, I’ve been there and done this before, so I won’t debate it here (“huge profit?”  LOL..).  On her part, on the surface it demonstrates a rigid belief system and lack of understanding.  The fact that she’s in lack, and subconsciously wants everyone else to be there as well, speaks for itself.  I’m in this full-time for the long haul, and yes, I do need to eat.  The fact that I’m finally doing the work I was meant to do doesn’t negate the realities.

But the point for me  isn’t the strange turn-around on this person’s part.  She has a ways to go before I could do her any good, and I wish her well on her journey.

No, the lesson for me is how powerful I am (we are).  My frankly rather brave decision to risk my livelihood in favor of doing the right thing had produced instant encouragement – with an immediate sign-up by a prospective client.  As soon as I felt and acknowledged and expressed doubt, my ego-fear produced exactly the circumstance that reinforced that fear, when she inexplicably did a 180.  The message from my ego was. “How dare you put me in danger?  You’re not worth that kind of money!  You shouldn’t even be charging for this stuff at all!”.

 

Keep on Truckin’…No Matter What….

So there we have it.  Your soul can tell you what the best path is, but if you forget that and your faith falters, those ego-fears will try to screw you up… and your ego-fear thoughts can manifest just as powerfully as your soul-based ones.  It’s a matter of  recognizing what’s going on, recognizing where the fear is coming from… and then going ahead anyway.

So f*ck it.  I’m off on yet another walkabout, another chapter in this amazing adventure.  Here’s wishing you the same.   🙂